Where the heart is..

In a conversation with a friend recently we were planning her trip to Bangalore. We spoke of lovely places to eat, gorgeous places to read and well, just places. At the end I reminded her that she must remember to come back to Chennai and she said, very nonchalantly, that well,  'that's where the heart is'.

A simple yet profound statement with so much weight in it I thought. Made me ponder as to where really is the heart. Is it in the place where your dreams begin? If yes then my heart is beating wildly in a lovely little town in Madhya Pradesh called Jabalpur. This was where it all began, my birth and many years later my first experiences with growing up and the delusions that come with age and time. This was the stage where a fifteen year old me was convinced that irrespective of how life treats me, I will beat it. I would kill for that optimism today but then again I always remember that it is the same me, or is it? Is that where my heart is?

Then again is your heart in the place where you first lost your heart? Well proverbially at least. Mangalore will always be my spiritual home. The place I became me or at least the ideal of me. It was also the stage of my first love for a woman, a city and also the idea of a 'home'. From creating a world of my own to treating any relationship with that place as an inheritance, I constantly find myself drawn to that place and it makes me wonder if in search for a bond, something tangible that I can call my own, have I left my heart there? Is that where my heart is?

Could my heart be beating for a dream? Nestled deep down in me is a dream, one that simmers but unfortunately doesn't burn yet. It consumes me every now and then but let's go so quickly without notice and without the inclination to push me to be what I truly want to be. I begin to feel that I'm cheating myself like all of us who refuse to live or even contemplate the realization of our dreams. In me lives a soul desperate to write, to capture every thought in my head, to discuss it with an audience, even an audience of one and create some thing special, some thing that will define me and the world I live in because I know that's where my true peace begins and ends. So then, is that where my heart is?

Is it with a relationship that could never be? Is it with a job that challenges yet doesn't fulfill me? Is it with an idea of loneliness and wonder that knocks on my door everyday? Or for like my friend above is it actually in this city, waiting for me to find my way?