So they say the sequel never lives up to the original. I say
look at World War 2 or look at most second children. Always, way better. I,
thus, rest my case. Now the need for this rant. Life has become way too
predictable and the last rant was way too long ago. Monotony kills every 1 in 3
million ranters are the official stats from our government and that leads me
perfectly on to my first rant.
So government of India. What up? Nice work on the petrol
prices man. You just are so good at being bad. For god’s sake I read the Mint
and I know you could have avoided that. But no you had to pick the night I ran
out of petrol to jack up the prices. You had to create some kind of artificial shortage
which ensured no petrol in Chennai for a couple of days. Was that your idea of
a ‘go green’ initiative? Some idiotic dhoti clad moron decided that let’s show
people what life will be without petrol. Ever wondered what life will be
without our votes, or even better, our taxes? I dare you to jack up the prices
again you 10th fail loser. I’m still deciding what I will do, but
trust me it won’t be fun. I surely aint sharing my Dindigul biryani with you.
Shahid Kapur you
continue to amaze me with your undying talent of being able to pick the worst
movies. I sincerely urge you to run the next script you get through your
driver. That’s all I’m asking for, just your driver. Not anyone else. That’s
easy right. You ask why? Well, he has kept you alive after having every
opportunity to hurt you beyond repair after the trash you have been putting
out. I’m sure he loves you a lot. So, Shahid, driver. Please. You are a great
actor and so sincere but after Mausam, Teri Meri Kahaani and others my mind refuses to process,
your sincerity makes me feel like you are Bhagat Singh fighting for
Independence in 2012. Just pointless. So ya driver it is. Run along now.
What’s common between a target in a
firing range and the guy who’s cell rings really loud with the worst music in
office? That’s the right answer, they both are gonna get bloody shot!! It’s an
office for god’s sake. An IT company, the most sterile environment after a
cross species testing facility (and yes I saw the Amazing SpiderMan). Absolute
silence and suddenly 'nakka mukka nakka mukka' . You demented cross between a shameless front seater in
a cheap theatre and the worst thing that’s happened since Bappi Lahiri, why in
the devil’s name do I need to hear that song every time someone remembers your
pathetic existence. I’m honestly not the biggest on ethics and all that blah
blah but I sure draw the line the day you change your ringtone to this. Really what are you thinking? This is a joke you crack in private with your
friends who already think very little of you. Imagine this going off every 20
minutes. You just took the joy away from my Biryani, moron.
Now for a few quickies – the non
sexual kind
Justin Bieber’s latest song is
called ‘Boyfriend’. Finally!! The closet has been whammed open. I mean what a
way to come out. I’m glad you decided to finally do us this favor coz a lot of
people were taking special offense to jokes of you being called gay. Guess who
the joke is on now? Ya it’s on you, you dimwit but well just coz you came out
doesn’t mean you got any smarter.
Now all you people on Facebook who
put up those huge banners with quotable quotes and stuff. Really? You ever read
them yourselves? Don’t they have this unbelievable stench of ‘cheesy’ all over
it? Some of them I accept are clever or cute but the rest are just plain
depressing. Guys if that’s gonna get you more likes and comments then trust me,
things are looking bleak. Now put that on one of those banners of yours and
click ‘Share’.
Finally who gave Sehwag the right to
abuse Dhoni. A demi God for most of us. You really saying that he didn’t do
much by becoming captain. The team was already mature I believe. How messed up
are you man? You just recently learnt what captaining a team really involves
and talking like you own this shit. Do not invoke the rage of the whole of
India and Chennai. Mind it!
Well phew! Time to get back to my
Dindigul biryani. The rest of you – rant away!!
