The P.M.Somanna stepping stone to success/distress model

No amount of preparation could have prepared me for this. Yes the internship and the project and the expectations were all in the backburner. But was I ready to work in an office? Will I ever be ready? For all of you who have read my vision statement on my blog, you must know i’m extremely pleased and surprised that you have and if you haven’t then please do. In that I have outlined how I have always intended to get into advertising. One of the many boyhood dreams of mine, what with all the guts and glory that comes with it. But then the ‘grown up’ in me kept reminding me that I need to be more serious and fulfil the wish of the MBA and pick up the highest paying job you can get. No doubt that made sense, considering the demands of the banking system (the educational loan) and the expectations of the family and the ‘heavy scrutiny’ extended family.

But today as I sit behind this desk during my internship and type this out, i’m having an epiphany. A kind of collective wisdom seems to be settling like a parasite. The question it’s asking me is very simple, ‘Can you sit behind a desk and work for the rest of your life’? I am not casting any aspersions on the work I am doing as it is extremely interesting and quite the test of my abilities to think. But with the patience of an ambulance staring at a red light, I have come to understand that this body aint made for this kind of nitty gritty which leaves me with the compelling and extremely disturbing question, ‘What you gonna do now you dimwit, impatient dork?’ If you can’t sit behind a desk and work then in which world are you going to be allowed to fulfil all the expectations of the above mentioned ‘jury of expectations’?

I begin to wonder where all these realisations are going to steer my final intentions. I look around and observe the intensity with which everyone seems immersed in their work. Such a sense of purpose and direction which reminds me that those are two things I have never had all my life. It is something you need to develop and I decided to let them go by and in the greater scheme of things it may just come back to hurt me. But being a little purposeless has always helped me not enter any one way streets. The freedom to wander into the side streets and the ‘no entries’ has kept me alive and wandering. I have never been bogged down by my own expectations because they have always been limited and I have never looked at the topper in class and stared in awe. Just some respect and move on. I have never set myself any benchmarks or milestones or agendas. It is just a combination of short term goals spread over a long period of time.

So let’s figure out a plan now. The ‘working behind a desk’ seems to have its inherent problems, the money that may come up with it is mainly attractive so that I can pay off the loan and that leaves me with the search for the job that will really make me happy. We shall use the ever famous ‘P.M.Somanna stepping stone to success/distress model’:

STEP 1 – Find a way to park my bottom on a chair behind a desk for long enough

OR

Continue work on my novel and send it out to publishers and keep my nerves crossed

STEP 2 – Learn to apply all that I am learning in school at work and figure out what works for me

OR

Assuming the novel gets accepted, then go firing ahead or energise my blog and start doing some reviews

STEP 3 – Accept reality and move on with a life that is not so bad

OR

Create my own reality and live the life I have always wanted to.

Hmmm... Watch this space.